Momentary Lapse
by TooCrazyForThis
Summary: Giles finds an unlikely source of comfort. Set after season 2 and before season 3.


It was 1 AM, somewhere in August. A restless and half drunk Rupert Giles trudged down the stairs in his maisonette to answer the door. Who could this be at such a late hour? He had pondered ignored the call but then he thought that it may be Buffy. Maybe she had returned to Sunnydale after running away a few months ago. Had she returned?

No. He opened the door to find the unusually unreadable face of Ethan Rayne. "What are you doing here?" Giles spat.

"I'm not here to cause trouble, Rupert." He said in a rather soft tone. It was unusual; Giles hadn't heard that tone since... A very long time ago.

"Then why are you here?"

Ethan paused for a moment. "I heard about Jenny. I'm sorry."

"Are you? Are you really, Ethan?" Was that why he was here? To taunt him about Jenny's death? It wouldn't be the first time that Ethan hadn't taken death seriously. Giles tensed at the memory.

"Yes," he replied. "I know it doesn't mean anything but I'm sorry for your loss. And ... if you wanted some company ..."

"You thought you'd just come here and be my shoulder to cry on? That I'd let you in and forget about all the misery you've caused me. When we were young and not to mention, this passing year. You think I'd just forget what you did to her?"

He was referring to the incident in which Eyghon had taken possession over Jenny. While it didn't seem likely that Ethan had summoned the demon, it was the only explanation for the whole mess that made sense to Giles. "That wasn't me and you know it." Said Ethan. "Look, you need someone right now, Ripper, and I want to be that someone."

"What for? Why do you care?"

"I still care about you. We were best friends from the age of eleven. We'd been through so much together. There will always be a part of me that cares for you, Rupert."

Giles regarded the man at his door for a moment. If this was part of some elaborate scheme to reek havoc on the people of Sunnydale, or himself for that matter, he concluded that he didn't care anymore. Since Jenny's death, there was very little that he cared about. Grabbing the lapels of his shirt, Giles tugged Ethan into his home and kissed him desperately. He didn't care that he was going to regret this. That Ethan might get the wrong idea. That he was about to sleep with him in the same bed that once offered him the dead body of his love. Ethan was right; he just needed someone

The next morning, Giles awoke horribly. His head hurt and he felt presence that was no longer welcome. He climbed out of bed and took a shower. As he dressed, he saw Ethan awake slowly. "Good morning." He said, languidly.

"No, it isn't." Giles replied, his stoic facade back in its rightful place. A development that was lost on Ethan. "Some got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." He threw back, propping himself on his hands and sitting up, still naked from last night.

"Yes," Giles deadpanned. "Nothing like sleeping in the exact same place a murderous vampire placed your dead girlfriend's body to taunt you."

"Rupert..." Ethan exclaimed, looking at the empty space on the bed right next to him, before looking up at Giles in disbelief.

"Ethan, this was a mistake." Giles said quickly, something he'd been eager to say since he woke up. "We shouldn't have done this."

"You mean you shouldn't have kissed me?" Ethan spat back, his tone thinly laced with venom as he came to realise that Giles was once again, dumping him.

"Yes, I shouldn't have. I was grieving and it was a mistake. One that can't happen again."

The atmosphere between them grew tense as Ethan thought about how to respond. "I know that you're doing." He finally said. "You're shutting me out. We talked about this, Rupert, you need someone."

"Yes and you're not that someone!" Giles responded angrily. "The only someone I need got her neck snapped whilst seeking my forgiveness. And I am not shutting you out, Ethan, I'm kicking you out."

"Rupert..." Ethan started, while climbing out of bed and putting his clothes back on. "I don't expect much of you but..."

"But what? Don't you get it, Ethan? I don't want you here, now get out!" Giles shouted, tears brimming to the surface of his eyes. Ethan did get it; Giles had so much anger in him and it needed to come out. Instead of leaving, he sat down at the foot of the bed where Giles was standing. "Just get out." He continued. "Leave me alone. I want to be alone.. I want-"

The emotion of what he was saying heightened to lengths that Giles couldn't control. Helplessly, he dropped to his knees, his head fell into Ethan's lap and he began to sob uncontrollably. Ethan grabbed his hair, pulling him closer, tears surfacing in his eyes as a lost loved one cried for lost loved one.

"I miss her so much." Giles said, his voiced cracked from his tears and the lump rising in his throat as he thought about how much he had loved Jenny. About all the experiences they never had because she had been so cruelly taken away from him. He ached so much. He hurt so bad. He knew that he could never love again. Not even Ethan.

"I know, Ripper." Ethan whispered into his hair, having bent down to afford Giles as much physical comfort as he could offer.

They remained so for what felt like a life time before untangling themselves. Ethan left and Giles had asked not to come over again. Ethan, however, had never had too well with orders.


End file.
